Mommy's Going Bald

This blog has moved! Read this post at Mia Harner Blog

What We're Reading Wednesdays...Big Brother Edition

An only child recently became a big brother.

a sweet moment thanks to bribery

He had no idea what was about to rock his little world, so we tried to prepare him. While I was pregnant, Samuel would constantly search in the couch cushions for "Baby Hudson." He drew pictures of him that included, "knees and a tail." Then we knew we needed some serious preparation that the baby would be, in fact human. :)

He was curious about him, but not too crazy about the idea of him once we began assembling Hudson's room.

So, I purchased a few books to try and prep our little guy for the transition. We found a few that we LOVED.

I'm a Big Brother by Joanna Cole

 This is a big book. Our guy loves to carry it around and talk about his "big muscles." He still loves to read this book. The pictures are simple and bright. It has a good rhythm to it when read aloud. The ideas and words are simple enough that he can "read" it to himself just by looking at the pictures (he's memorized some pages).

It's a cute book. It approaches the subject by letting the big brother know that the baby needs his mommy and daddy's time, but explains that the baby is too small to do anything on his own.
Samuel likes the idea of being a big brother when reading this book (that feeling just fades afterwards...ha!). The book does a good job of bringing excitement to the new title of "big brother."

Za Za's Baby Brother by Lucy Cousins

picture from Amazon.com, here

This book is still a favorite in our house. The book is bright, small enough to carry in small hands, and simple enough to memorize. It focuses on Za Za's mommy and daddy not having as much time for him/her as before (I'm not entirely certain if Za Za is a boy or girl, okay? lol).

When researching books, I noticed a few negative reviews for this book because of this subject. But, it's a tough reality to approach. Cousins does it in a friendly manner. The book can be read in an upbeat, fun way so that the "Daddy is always busy....Mommy is always busy....I played by myself" lines do not seem awful. In the end, Za Za gets alone time with Mom and Dad after the baby is put to bed.

I think it's a great little book - our guy still likes it, and even asked me to read it to him yesterday!

It also taught him that flowers for Mommy while in the hospital were a MUST! :)

Brothers Are for Making Mud Pies by Harriet Ziefert

picture from Amazon.com, here

Adorable little book! This quickly became a favorite during my pregnancy. This book helped Samuel learn that a brother would eventually be fun. It was eye opening for him! ;) (especially after Za Za taught him that we wouldn't have all day to spend with him! lol)

It's a lift-the-flap book, so it's fun to read. The pictures are cute. It's appropriate for a big brother or big sister as there are pictures of both with a baby brother. It's one of my favorites. I noticed that the author also wrote Sister are for Making Sand Castles. How cute! Hopefully one day, I can purchase that one! :)

Harner, Party of 4

Life has been a whirlwind of change and survival lately!

On June 2nd, this little guy took us by surprise and joined our family 3 weeks early.

Meet Hudson Isaac:

His birth was so amazing! It was so much more enjoyable than my previous C-section. Going into this birth, I was terrified of a C-section after having such a traumatic experience with Samuel. But Hudson's birth was completely different.

I had heard that planned C-sections are easier than emergency C-sections, so I had hoped it would be a little different, but I had no idea how much easier it would be. Even though Hudson arrived via emergency C-section after 4 months of contractions and a couple hours of actual labor, I would do it all over again.

I may be writing this blog mostly for my own benefit, but I hope you enjoy, nonetheless. :)

Hudson's Story:

On Memorial Day weekend, I woke up and told my husband, "This is the beginning of the end." Hudson was due June 18th and scheduled for a C-section on June 11th, but I knew that morning that he wasn't going to wait that long. I just knew.
I had gone into preterm labor at 23 weeks and had contractions on and off from that point on. But for the last couple weeks, my contractions had been more intense and more painful, but I wasn't progressing. I had been in and out of the hospital for two weeks because of the contractions - one day, I had painful contractions for 9 hours and we thought FOR SURE that he'd arrive that night, but he changed his mind and my contractions stopped for the evening. :)

On June 1st, I woke up and said to myself, "this would be a good day to have a baby." I knew he was coming soon, so I made sure to take these pictures:

The next day, June 2nd, I went to my appt with my OB/GYN. I was measuring smaller than before, my contractions were gone, and Hudson was much calmer than ever before. I thought he was so quiet because Samuel had landed on my belly while rough-housing the day before...so the doctor sent me for observation. My hubs and I went to the hospital in preparation to sit for 4 hours and then go home. Hudson has other plans! :) (we had even told Samuel that we'd go to the park after my appt. Oops.)

After 2 hours, my contractions picked up! I progressed 2 cm in an hour...the time my hubs had left to get us some lunch...also the time when the triage nurses had gone to lunch and no one was watching my monitor! I could feel the change and knew Hudson was on his way. When the nurse returned, my husband asked her to check my monitor. She responded with, "oh yeah! she's been contracting!!" She examined me and immediately called my doctor. She returned to the room and said, "Dr Cotes wants to deliver in 30 minutes." !!!!!!!! Once again, my hubs almost hit the floor (he reacted the same way with the first delivery). ;)

We called our parents as quickly as we could and my mom brought Samuel to the hospital (bless his heart, he had no idea what was about to happen!) I was so happy and relieved to see Samuel before the procedure started. This momma couldn't have done it without seeing that sweet face and getting sweet kisses from a nervous little boy. :)

our last picture as a family of 3

my sweet sweet big boy ;) waiting patiently for someone to "come get him"

I was prepped and taken to the OR by my college roommate. I was SO thankful she was there! I think she helped make the experience so much easier than I expected. She held me during my epidural and talked me through most of the process.

My doctor came to talk to me before the surgery and complimented me on my pedicure. ;) It was cute - pink and white with a blue anchor...

I had the best anesthesia nurse! She complimented me and talked me through everything that was happening. She and the other nurses took great pictures for us - she kept me company once my husband left my side and had eyes only for Hudson. ;)

I was calm until the procedure started, and then I begged my husband to talk to me about ANYTHING to distract me from the wait. I couldn't wait to hear his cry. It felt like an eternity from the time it started until I felt the huge push of pressure and knew my baby was out.

He growled and screamed...and peed everywhere...3 times. ;) My heart melted when I finally saw him. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I LOVE the anticipation of seeing who he'd look like, his hair color, his sweet face...

I was surprised to see he had dark hair! I was also surprised by his geriatric hairline ;)
He looked SO small to me (but he was bigger than Samuel). I couldn't wait to get my hands on him. Thankfully the nurses had fun with him, wrapped him up like an eskimo, laughed with us, and let me see him and kiss him (I hardly saw Samuel, he was whisked away too quickly).

eskimo baby ;)

the first time he looked at me ::melt::

Hudson opened his eyes and looked at me - he stopped crying for a second - like he recognized me already. I knew from that moment that he'd be a momma's boy. Samuel was daddy's boy from day one, so I was determined to have one of these boys to myself! ;)

While in recovery, my college roommate and my husband kept me company. To my surprise, in walked a nurse with my bundled up baby boy, asking me to nurse him because his blood sugar was low. What a little blessing in disguise! (I hated the thought of another C-section because the baby is taken away so quickly and there's a long wait before holding him and bonding with him.) But this time, I was able to hold him and feed him soon afterward! I was over the moon in love with this experience and this sweet baby boy in my arms. He looked at me and it felt like he knew me and was looking to me for comfort in this big new world.

Life has changed SO much in the past 7 weeks. Our lives as parents have changed, our family has changed, and Samuel's world has changed (more on that later...;) ).

I can't imagine a better experience. I'm so thankful for the people surrounding us that day. I am LOVING life with two baby boys. I'm much more tired and my house is much messier, but life is so much more wonderful! :)

 Happy Weekend from our family of 4! :)

Gender Reveal

Our Gender Reveal:

(I purchased ornaments and ribbon from Hobby Lobby.

 The perfectly-sized boxes came from Dollar General. Easy and adorable.)

Boy or Girl? Pink or Blue?

It's a Boy!

Our Story:

I am not one of those women who can wait until the birth of my child to find out whether I'm having a boy or girl. I HAVE to plan. So, when we were presented with the option to find out what we were having at 13 weeks with a blood test, I jumped at the chance! Especially since we were able to find out right before Christmas.

I love showing off my babies (who doesn't?!). So, I was more than eager to announce the gender of this Harner baby in some creative way during Christmas. We celebrated two Christmases: one in-state with my family, and one out-of-state with my in-laws. Because of this, there were some secrets to be kept after we revealed to our first set of family, but no one seemed to mind keeping the secret! ;)

I will admit that I thought for sure I was having a girl. I was convinced. But, just to be safe, I purchased "boy" items as well as "girl" items for our reveal. I was too excited to wait to put together our reveal, that I prepared to assemble the "girl" reveal before we ever received the call from the doctor. I'm glad I didn't! :) :)

My sweet, sweet OB's office staff actually called me on the day the results arrived - one day before we thought we could find out. When they said, "it seems to be a boy," I simply said, "ok!" I had planned to surprise the hubs with the news on our Christmas morning, but he was sitting beside me in the car when I received the call!!! He knew from my reaction that we were having a boy - I was completely shocked. Even though he knew before Christmas, he still melted to see a sweet blue hippo toy hanging in another stocking on our mantle. ;)

I am so in love with the idea of having two little boys, now. I can still be queen of the castle, even if my castle is filling fast with superheroes, balls, trucks, blocks, and smelly boy shoes ;)

Mercy. Grace.

"Help me trust in You at all times; 

help me to pour out my heart to You, God, 

for You are my refuge." 

Psalm 62:8

I'm taking a leap, here, with this post. This isn't a crafty/cooking/photo/fun post. This post is coming from my heart. I want to be real. Real in my faith.  (It's also really long.....)
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My little family has recently suffered a loss. A loss that may seem so small to some, but to those who believe as we believe, a loss so great that it's changed our family.

On Easter, I surprised Josh with a card that read, "For Easter, I made you a bunny. You must be special because I don't do that for just anyone." I signed it, "Due: December 2013." The video I have of Josh's reaction to the card is priceless - he didn't know what to think, but once he realized that he was going to be a Daddy for the 2nd time, he was elated. It was still early, but the 4 tests I had taken were all positive.

On May 13th, we lost the baby. I had been pregnant for almost 12 weeks, but it was an emotional 12 weeks. I was told from the beginning that my levels were low and I was put on medication. I was monitored and tested every week to track the baby's progress. One week we were told there was no baby. The next week, we saw a fetal pole. The next week, nothing. The next week, a heartbeat and a baby. The next week, no heartbeat. Then, my levels began to drop dramatically, and I was told to expect a miscarriage.

I feel like I was floating through the months of April and May - not knowing what to feel from one moment to the next. I have grieved, been angry, questioned God, had faith, rejoiced, and stood numb and speechless.

In times like these, I can understand how people lose faith in God. I can understand why they question how God can love us if He allows certain things to happen and doesn't stop other things. Why would good, loving women who want babies be unable to have them while unfit women who don't want/won't care for them are able to have multiple babies?? I will admit, I question God on this, and I still am questioning Him. I trust Him, but I don't understand it.

But, you know what? As much as a question, I'll never understand. His ways aren't my ways. His ways are better than my ways - even if they don't seem like it at the time. He won't spare anything to save me - not even His own Son, so I know He has my greater good in mind.

In the midst of all of this, I prayed for many things - miracles, a heartbeat, a baby...mercy, grace... I did receive 2 of these things. Mercy. Grace.

Mercy
My miscarriage happened quickly and completely. I prayed for mercy through it. I decided to miscarry naturally because I didn't want to take this baby from my body and always wonder "what if." In the end, I'm glad I did. It was healing for me to experience it. It provided closure to the past 2 months of upheaval.
God gave me mercy in that it happened quickly and completely. It happened when I was out of town and surrounded by family. He knew where I needed to be.

Grace
I am so overwhelmed with thanks that He allowed me to experience being a mommy for a 2nd time, even if just for a little while. I loved the experience again. Everyday, I realize the grace He showered on me by choosing me to be Samuel's mommy. I will forever be thankful for him.
He showed me grace by answering my prayers for mercy even when I was angry with Him and questioning His ways. I am deserving of nothing, but God showers me everyday with his presence, His promises, and the love of my family. He tells us that He is near to the brokenhearted. I claimed that promise, and in His grace, He allowed me to feel Him near. He's healing me. He's replacing my anger with His joy.

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Everyday is new. I'm still mourning my baby. Each day gets easier, but I'm finding my mind focusing on Heaven - wondering if my other loved ones are enjoying my baby there...asking God to give my baby extra hugs...and wondering when I meet that baby, if he or she will still be a baby...
A lot of questions flood my mind at quiet times. Luckily these faces keep me busy and remind me of all the AMAZING things I DO have in my life. They make me get up every morning and relish in little boy snuggles and his new-found attachment to "Momma":

I opened my devotions the other day for the first time since all of this happened. I had a horrible day, crying out to God and asking why He hadn't heard me through it all, and why He wasn't listening to me. Afterward, I felt horrible for being upset with Him. My devotions were from Psalm 62:8.

"You will never be offended when I pour out the earnest despair and bitterness that wells in my heart. You desire for me to cry out in my agony, and You can take my feelings of anger, dismay, and confusion. In pouring out my heart to You, I rid myself of soul-cancerous bitterness. I also make room for You to pour in Your healing." (Beth Moore, Praying God's Word Day by Day, June 1)

God is alive and active. His Word is alive and active and meeting our needs.

I was floored when I read this. He knew. He knew long before these events that I would need this on June 1, 2013. Amazing. Praise You, Father.

Lately.

It's been awhile since I've last posted. So many exciting things are happening in our lives right now, that I feel it's a good time to post and share our day to day blessings :)

I've gone from a stay-at-home wife/part-time hobbyist photographer/graduate student to an expecting first-time mommy/graduate student/student-teacher. A lot has changed - I've given God full reign of my priorities and He's elevated things I love and taken away things that were only causing me stress. It's an amazing thing and I can't complain one bit :)

These days I'm student teaching in my Christian high school - spending days with high school students until December. I come home, do a Premier Designs jewelry show here and there, complete school work, make dinner, and try to sleep anywhere between! :)

Josh and I are SO excited about our little boy coming in January 2012. He is an answer to prayer and a very direct blessing from God. The moment I was pregnant I knew, I felt God confirm to me that He'd answered our prayers for a child to give back to Him. I felt Him tell me I was having a boy and what we were to name him. It was an amazing experience feeling God so positively confirm His blessing. When the pregnancy test was positive, I was a mix of shock, peace, and sheer happiness. I knew I was pregnant 2 weeks before I took the test, so I felt guilty feeling shock, but I knew God was smiling on both of us as we reveled in excitement! :)

We are busy getting our house and lives ready for our little man's arrival. Not sure how ready we can really be, but we're enjoying the excitement and anticipation that comes with a first baby.

I hope to update with baby news, pregnancy excitement, recipes, lesson plans, decorating ideas, and devo thoughts. We'll see how often I keep to this. :)