I have to admit I've been somewhat selfish lately. Somewhat self-absorbed.
Three weeks ago I went into pre-term labor at 25 weeks into my pregnancy.
I had no idea I was having contractions - go figure! :) - but went to the hospital with severe pain and humored the nurse as she told me I was, in fact, having contractions.
The thing is, this pain had been happening for a week or so. It had only gotten worse while on a road trip that weekend for our first baby shower. I prayed for it to stop and for everything to "be okay."
After hearing this news from the nurse, my husband and I were scared. While in the hospital, I prayed for the pain and contractions to stop. I prayed for labor to stop. I prayed the medicine wouldn't make me horribly sick just as the nurse had warned me it would. I prayed to be released the following day. After spending a day longer than I had hoped in the hospital, I was sent home on bed-rest.
I am still having contractions on occasion and am dealing with pain. I never knew bed-rest could be so taxing on a person - emotionally, spiritually, and physically. My husband and I pray for the pain and contractions to stop. I secretly (well, it's no secret now! :) ) pray that I will eventually be taken off bed-rest before our little man is born.
The thing was, none of these prayers were being answered in the way I had hoped. The medicine made me horribly sick, I'm still having contractions, I'm still in pain, and I'm still on bed-rest. I would be lying to say that I wasn't growing frustrated with God.
Today was one of those days when I was especially frustrated. In my boredom and sour mood, I purchased the new Shane & Shane album in hopes of cheering myself up - God definitely had a change in my mood in His plans! The following lyrics caught me by surprise and brought me to my face in front of God:
"What are you gonna do when the doctor comes into the room, puts his hand on you and says, 'I'm sorry'?
What are you gonna say to God when all you do is pray to God to take the thorn away
And all you hear Him say is,
'My Grace, my Grace, my Grace is sufficient, my Grace is sufficient..."
How did I feel after hearing this? Utterly selfish and immature. I had completely forgotten that He hears me ALWAYS - it's not that He wasn't answering my prayers - He is answering my prayers, but just through a means that will make me a better person in the end.
I say none of this for pity or sympathy (I know it'll all be worth it in the end when we have a healthy baby boy), but to share the lyrics of this beautiful song and refresh your faith that regardless of what you're facing, regardless of your situation, He hears the prayers of His children and ALWAYS answers them in a way to make us better versions of ourselves. We may not understand - most of the time, we won't, but eventually, He'll let us see His beautiful plan and how it worked out so much better than we ever could have planned or imagined on our own.
May I never forget this.
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:11-13
